A Dark Companion
Lot’s descendants became troublesome enemies of Abraham’s heirs, and were among those who led Israel astray from God, so in retrospect, did Abram do the wrong thing by taking Lot to Canaan?
Perhaps you can identify with this stirring of doubt as to whether Abram should have taken Lot, or permitted him to come along. Have there not been such misgivings over people in your life? Have you never deeply questioned why God allowed a particular one to shatter your sphere?
Maybe it was a child who entered the picture at the wrong time, or one born to need extraordinary assistance. Perhaps a friend who at first seemed divinely appointed to be your close companion became a stumbling block. Or, your burden may be your brother, mother, or spouse.
At length you begin to doubt the sovereignty and wisdom of God in permitting the mismatch and to believe that it occurred a random way. You were simply shortsighted in evaluating the prospect. Or, the undesirable one pressed so hard for acceptance that you could not stand your ground against the intrusion. And if you had no choice in the arrangement, it seems an even bigger hopeless mess— fixed and determined, yet torturous and impossible.
Then, there are moments of assurance and conviction that God is in control. He has placed this person in your life for divine reasons which, though not revealed, are trustworthy. Perhaps he will use you to help him or her. Or, there may be things he is working to change in your character and personality which will be most easily accomplished through your frequent interaction with this prickly associate.
If only that certainty and perspective could be maintained! But discouragement or arguments may clutter ones vision, making it seem best to ignore or to end the relationship; or it may end suddenly at a time when emotions are out of control.
For example, during World War II a marriage took place and two sons arrived in rapid-fire succession. Shortly after the birth of the second one who was named for his dad, that man walked out. For whatever reasons, he was unable to trust that God had placed his wife and children in his life for good purposes.
The mother took her sons back to her home area and went to work in a factory, and a kind, elderly woman cared for the boys. Soon, a wonderful man came into their mother’s life, and he officially adopted these boys, renaming the younger to erase the memory of the deserter and the older to reflect a new regime. Their family was completed when a third son arrived and became the namesake of the father. The second son, who had been renamed to Jack, in time would become the husband of my sister, Mandy, and the father of my three beautiful nieces.
In many respects he was like Lot, though I’ll confess that when the Lord first brought that analogy to my mind, it seemed repulsive. Later, though, I saw it was fitting. And I saw that aside from the parallels with Jack’s nature and life, Lot and his story picture what the Lord may do for each lost and straying sheep.
Before the benefit of hindsight, however, there can be many days when we see no evidence that a particular one is indeed a member of the flock. Might he be a wolf and not a sheep at all?
Mandy, would at times wonder aloud to me, “Why did God let me marry him? Surely this marriage was a mistake— It should never have been.” She was not a complainer, but sometimes she needed to express her pain and to voice her need for answers and help.
Living with such a spouse is debilitating to the one who would be lighthearted and productive under normal circumstances. An emotionally battered human loses many years to the onslaught of locusts against his or her personality and life. The locusts are the pride, rebellion and bad temper of the close associate who is a rival of God.
Then why, you ask, did she marry him in the first place? Why would she stay married under the various circumstances? We shall come to that part, but now, answer this question: What can be done about the adult who is a terrible child? Counseling? Perhaps for some, but in the majority of these cases, the answer lies in the spiritual realm, the unseen arena where prayers are heard and belief is honored.
I was nonplussed with Jack; still I believed that God was at work. I felt certain that he would do something to straighten things out, no matter how bad they were at the time. Everything I read in the Bible shaped and upheld my faith that the Lord would perform a miracle for my sister, and my bold belief became a much needed support for her. Since I was single, I had time to be interested in my sister’s life and in her children, as God intended at this time as she labored in the crucible of God’s testing fire.
I had been placed in her life by divine appointment as had Jack, and she had been given to us by the same hand of Providence. Long before any of us knew the other, or even before the world came to be, God had plans for the three of us, just as he did for Abram, Sarai and Lot.
Yes, it was right to take Lot on the journey to Canaan.
Here are some of Mandy’s inner thoughts written down in a letter to me when she was at a very low point:
Dear Sis,
You called last night and I really couldn’t talk as Jack was in the family room and I was in the kitchen… The party we went to Saturday was the same ole stuff. On the way home he decided to show off, I guess. He drove so fast the tires were squealing. It was the scariest experience. I got out of the car shaking all over. I promised I would begin the New Year in a new frame of mind and I fully intend to, but when I got out of the car I wanted to leave Jack so badly. I do get to feeling like God hates me. No one should have to be subjected to that. I am going to do better today. The only thing that saved us from a terrible car crash was God. Jack maintains it was his superior driving skills. When I got out of the car I felt it was finished. I felt God had given up on Jack. I even told him this. I told him I don’t even know how to pray for him anymore and I don’t. My life has been far from normal but that car ride just left me empty. I know God hasn’t deserted me but I feel like it. Why would God allow Jack to torture me like this? Even as I write this letter I am weak. I slept a lot yesterday which is unusual for me. I guess I am at such a point that the rest or whatever is left up to God. I’m sure He can restore my marriage and that is what I pray for. My children are so dear and it is the only way....